Thank you for the courage you mustered up to write about this. My assumption is this drained you to write. At least that's what happens to me.

Have you and your therapist ever discussed you doing a Myers-Briggs assessment? I wonder what he/she would say relative to the findings of such a survey. Not that I'm at all wondering if you'd share what you are.

But one of the things I have learned on my own growth journey is that I am an INTJ. The architect. The planner.

Planners must be quite good at ensuring things are in order, the right sequence. Is this compulsive behavior? Depends.

I also encourage you, since you're jumping into the content creation world to do there three workbooks by Julia Cameron and The Artist's Way if you have not already.

I have some 30 composition notebooks that I have filled over the years as a result of doing what she calls Morning Pages.

The premise: When we wake up in the morning, go straight to a desk/table, etc. and write three pages, at least, of stream of consciousness emotions and feelings. If you're angry, scared, whatever, put that down on the pages, in handwriting. Don't type this out.

Cameron discourages typing and she's right, cos when you do Morning Pages on a keyboard, you do not delve as deep.

When at least three pages are complete, close your journal/notebook/ (Composition notebooks at Walmart are a whole $0.82 now.). Each fall I deprive a couple school kids of these in buying them myself, but you're a creator now. You probably don't want to spend $25-$30 on a leather-bound journal from Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

One last trick to this, Jelena, once you write out what you're feeling, you close the notebook, and I leave all those emotions on the pages. In many ways they are released from my brain and I'm more prepared to go about doing what needs to get done with my day.

Just a few observations and ideas. I know your struggle is real. Hang in there. Shout out for an understanding ear if you need one.

God bless, and stay focused on your writing.

Donny